At the beginning of every year I see everyone posting all of their goals and aspirations. I’m pretty sure I’ve also done the same thing every year. And I DO have goals for this year, but the difference is that I feel like I’m starting over.
After I had Ryleigh I had a ton of complications. I was in the ICU for 6 days, I had to see numerous doctors for months after she was born, and I was told I should probably forget about running again. Even after my heart got better and I was able to walk around without feeling like i had just run a marathon something was still off. I was constantly tired, constantly achey. I would get 8 hours of sleep, but there was always extreme exhaustion. I worked, took care of my child, and slept.
I saw multiple doctors to try to figure out what was wrong. I was sent to a rheumatologist to see if I had lupus or rheumatoid arthritis (thankfully I don’t) and was told I have fibromyalgia. I felt like this diagnosis was just an easy way to slap a label on me to give me an “answer” but that the doctors didn’t actually know what was wrong.
I didn’t settle for that diagnosis. I saw one more doctor and with a combination of traditional and alternative medicine I am finally starting to feel better (more about all of this Hocus Pocus in a later post). I am able to get through a day without feeling the need to sleep all of the time and I am finally able to start moving again, even if I have to push myself most of the time.
So how am I starting over?
The main way is with my fitness and running. I realized that there is no way I’m going to be close to where I was before when I had been running all the time and racing a half marathon almost every weekend. I’m basically starting over as a new runner. I am slower than when I started and I can’t just wake up and run a half marathon on a whim like before. I did recently attempt a 15k and it was one of the hardest races I have ever run (more on that later).
I decided to register for some races as motivation and purchased a fitness planner to keep track of my workouts. I started doing T25 again as a fun way to keep my cardio up between running and I am following a training plan for my 10K in February. I’ve never felt like I needed to train for a 10k distance, but like I said I’m starting over – new plan, new outlook.
I think the hardest thing for me is going to be not comparing myself to how I used to run previously. I know I wont be setting any PRs any time soon, if ever again. I need to focus more on endurance rather than speed and listen to my body to make sure I’m not pushing myself too hard. I can’t feel bad if I’m running “slow” compared to my times before – not that I was ever a fast runner by any means. I know this may become discouraging, but I need to just remember that I was told I probably won’t run again and I am out there doing what I love.
Have you ever felt like you were starting over?